here is something i wrote last week.

i want everything to be okay. i dont want to make this hard for you. its just so hard pretending im alright. but it doesnt matter, because apparantly as long as you two are togething, the world is at peace. so im just going to pretend im not feeling like this, but im with you all the time.  and i everytime i see you, you two are always together. and i feel like im taken advantage of.  maybe i'm just imagining things, but it feels real to me. i wish i had it in me to just forget about you, i wish i had it in me to push my feelings aside, but every time i see you, my ambition to do that..vanishes.  so i seclude myself, and i write hoping that maybe my feelings will be left on this paper. left in this room. i sorry i feel the way i do. 

this is something i just wrote...its not a song...not really a poem....just some feelings

im ashamed of what i am

of what i feel...of how i act

yet this monster is inside me

and i cant seem to get rid of it

its growing within me

its dwelling within me

its consuming my strength its opening my eyes to the selfishness within me

how human i am

how my constant mistakes bring me down

how no matter how hard i try

this sinful nature is still a part of me

i cant run i cant hide

my flaws are consuming me

bringing me to everything i hate

to the very people i am fighting

im sorry for the way i feel

for the way i act

i'm trying to overcome this

this feeling within me

this monster within me

please dont pull me down, i'll never win

i need your help

i need you to hear me

to listen to what i have to say--

im sorry for the way i am

i know my last song had nothing to do with me but this one does, i think i sound kind of emo but hey thats alright....

i dont like this

all these emotions running wild

running through my head,

changing my mind

to what i dont know

for what i dont know

i know im scared

i know im confused

i know ive been waiting for you

but what do i do, if you never come

never answer me , never know?

what do i do if i move on

on to someone else

and then you change your mind

your mind to me

but im already taken

my hearts been broken

i think you can take it

take the pain, the tears, the hurt

the time wasted in waiting for someone

who will never come till its too late

so here i am, but you cant wait any longer

because i want to move on

away from you

from this hole in my heart

where you used to be,

but chose not to fill

so hurry up i want to wait

but i dont think my soul can take

so here i am

this is a little something i whipped up in algebra....

i cant talk to you...it hurts to

i cant look at you...it hurts to

you took my heart and ripped it apart

and you dont even know why i cant be with you

i dont see how you can live

knowing you destroyed the onle thing i lived for

i cant seem to move

i cant love anymore

im trying to forgive you im trying to see past what you've done to me

i dont see what your trying to do

i cant be sorry for you

i cant talk to you it hurts to

i cant look at you it hurts to

you took my heart and ripped it apart

and you dont even know why i cant be with you

so i'll sing to you, i'll sing of my pain

and how i cant go on living

my days are dark and lonely

you did this to me, im trying to forgive you

you did this to me, i need time to forgive you

you have destroyed the one thing i lived for i have nothing to value

i cant talk to you it hurts to

i cant look at you it hurts to

you took my heart and ripped it apart, and you dont even know why i cant be w/ you

how cant you see what you've done to me?

how can you expect me to forgive you so soon?

i need to take this in...to hide within

lord help me to forgive him help me

i cant talk to you it hurts to

i cant look at you it hurts to

you took my heart and ripped it apart, and you dont even know why i cant be w/ you

you took my heart, you destroyed, and you dont even know it...